You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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