just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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