if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
