She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
