The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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