His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize