The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm determined to sit on that face.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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