Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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