she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
