We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!