That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.