Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey