Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.