Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)

  (214): View more from Texas

  Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.

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  (281): ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one) (214): Your grandmother is in heaven weeping. http://tfl.nu/odlj
  Replies (15) Good night (2380) Bad night (840)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off

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  (717): he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off http://tfl.nu/z28p
  Replies (39) Good night (6768) Bad night (2085) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  god i miss watching you do this...

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  (612): so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim.. (507): god i miss watching you do this... http://tfl.nu/jwsv
  Replies (16) Good night (4879) Bad night (600)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".

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  (239): And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine". http://tfl.nu/teku
  Replies (9) Good night (4405) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again

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  (720): he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again http://tfl.nu/4hwy
  Replies (16) Good night (710) Bad night (7777) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.

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  (519): Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins. http://tfl.nu/y67p
  Replies (41) Good night (4899) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

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  (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg
  Replies (26) Good night (12720) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?

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  (703): you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat? http://tfl.nu/6p3h
  Replies (8) Good night (783) Bad night (1645) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere

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  (907): I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him (307): Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere http://tfl.nu/182x
  Replies (4) Good night (1037) Bad night (419)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life

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  (215): From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life http://tfl.nu/t68e
  Replies (2) Good night (1150) Bad night (488)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.

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  (847): As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave. http://tfl.nu/cfsr
  Replies (7) Good night (787) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me

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  (775): The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me http://tfl.nu/fs79
  Replies (3) Good night (1125) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm romantic.

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  (306): I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones. (306): I'm romantic. http://tfl.nu/dair
  Replies (4) Good night (1380) Bad night (300)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...

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  (802): Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not... http://tfl.nu/ztpl
  Replies (5) Good night (612) Bad night (306)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas

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  (407): He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas http://tfl.nu/zvf4
  Replies (10) Good night (169) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt

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