Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS