Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
love makes seman taste better
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I need a burrito and a hug.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
