I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
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So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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