I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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