Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
