Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
