honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
