i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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