I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
