mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
