I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
