talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
no you cant smoke seaweed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
