I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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