Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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