There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
