This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
