we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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