So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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