no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
