Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
