My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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