so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
