I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
