OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
