Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
