Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
