Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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