'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
