Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i dont even know how to be here
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
