alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
