Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
zippers are such a cool invention
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
