Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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