just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
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She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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