Christians are straight up FREAKS
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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