there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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