i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
