just tell him i said nine months
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
