i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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