This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
