so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
