if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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