i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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