Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
