an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And then my night got REAL pukey
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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