But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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