i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There r osticjed everywhere
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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