I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"