is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.