Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if only i could text you this smell
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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